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  • תמונת הסופר/תYuval Alon

why every patient response is perfect

In therapy we try and help our patients to have freedom in their life to be who they really are. trying to do this complex work patients tells us and show us how they are RELAITING to others. then an interesting thing starts to happen : as we want to help our patients we are starting to want to change them to be someone different then they are with us. this process is so common in therapy and in day to day life, we want the patient we wish for and not the patient who is IN front of us. more so, we are accepting parts of the patients and ignore and reject the parts we are having a hard time tolerate. we are having a hard time tolerate the parts of the patient he has a hard time tolerating and the parts others are rejecting in the patient life.


in that sense, if patients won't be showing us their defenses and anxiety in the sessions, therapists would be out of a job.


since patients are telling and mostly showing us what they need help with, the therapist job is to develop his-her capacity to accept the whole patient and reflect back to the patient the complexity of his-her conflict and let us not forget the essential part : invite the patient to do something healthy for him-her self that he-she wants to do for his-her benefit.


a patient that is telling us :

I have problem being around people since i feel they don't like me, i don't know what to do.

accepting the wish : you want to be around people,

accepting the anxiety : it makes you anxious being around other people.

accepting the projection : people won't like me around.

reflect back the conflict and complexity to build capacity in side the patient so she can tolerate her conflict and so she can develop her capacity to be around people.


a patient is telling us : i like you, you are so good to me, but outside people are mean to me, they want things for them self and don't care about me.


accept the split parts : you like me and outside people are mean to you.

invite to integrate : how is it to notice good feelings inside you and negative feelings in side you? both their at the same time, how is it to notice it?



a patient is getting fussy headed when talking about his wish to get a promotion.

accept the wish: you want to get a promotion.

accept the anxiety : makes you anxious and fussy as if it is against the law for you to get a promotion.

invite to reflect his internal process : how is it to see that.


accepting all parts of the patient is essential to help them build their capacity to feel their feelings and to become who they are. patients want to get better all the time, we just need to listen to the complexity of their wish so they can tolerate it more and more and become their wish themselves.




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